Southpaw For Life!

My Life...

The truism that he was created a unique being did not take long before it began to manifest for all that cared to know the peculiar way he was wired. As a toddler, he crawled moving first always with his left hand. Whenever he got to a a support within the living room or his crawling sphere and he needed to stand up, he reached out always for the support first with his left hand and then his right hand before drawing at it to brace himself up to stand. If he was to bang on the support; be it a table, chair, stool, baby walker, television stand, loud speaker etc., this unique being often did with his left hand. If he was to pick up something from the floor (and characteristic of babies to take same mouthward), he did so with his left hand. As he started to walk, he took his first set of baby steps beginning with the left leg. At this stage of his life, his creative instincts were also noticeable to his folks and carer. Being only a baby, none of his folks bothered to dissuade him from his left-handedness, particularly because they thought he would change to using his right hand or both with time.

As this dynamic being of some sort grew older into a young boy, his left-handedness was more pronounced in all he did; from doing house chores like sweeping, laundry, washing dishes, scrubbing the floor, ironing clothes etc. Also eating with cutlery, writing, playing table tennis (holds the bat with his left hand), even playing football (he did most times with his left leg) and passing things to people (with this he got into 'trouble' a few times with those who culturally were opposed to the use of left hand.) Soon he earned the sarcastically derogative title: "Olowo osi kondoro" (Yoruba language; translated in English as) : "The crooked left-handed fellow". Not quite complimentary is it?

While many of his peers in school made jest of him whenever he wrote or drew with his left hand which made him require more space than his right-handed desk mates in the use of the desk top, he got a little more severe reactions from his teachers and older people in his neighbourhood. Very noticeable however by his peers and teachers which stood him out of the lot always, were his intelligence, brilliance and especially his creativity in whatever he did. Little wonder he often performed outstandingly in artistic subjects. But anytime he passed anything at all (with his left hand) that he was asked to bring whether by any of his teachers or an older person in the neighbourhood to whom he was sent to deliver something, he always got a scolding or a knock on the head! This became the fate this poor young southpaw suffered regularly, just being the way he was created to be, in an environment that culturally believes it is disrespectful, rude, improper or uncultured to use left hand to pass something to someone. This belief or culture is prevalent among the Yorubas in the western part of Nigeria, some other parts of Nigeria, Africa and the world at large. In fact dating back in distant history (fact based research reveals that) those who shared this common nature with this boy were severely discriminated against during the 18th (1700s) and 19th (1800s) centuries and in some cases this nature (left-handedeness) was beaten out of some of them who lived then. Sadly, in adulthood they were often shunned by society, resulting in fewer marrying and reproducing. Even though discrimination against these set of people was reduced in the 20th (1900s) century, it is sad to note that they are still being discriminated against globally in the most modern and developed 21st century today. Will you find it interesting to know that a few of these people who have been discriminated against in time past and presently for being southpaws include King George VI, Alexander the Great, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, Julius Caesar, Neil Armstrong, Michel Angelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, Robert De Niro, Ronald Regan, Charlie Chaplain, George H.W Bush, Marilyn Monroe, Paul McCartney, Whoopi Goldberg, Bill Clinton, Angelina Jolie, Barack Obama, Babatunde Raji Fashola and ME! Oladele Olunike (the unique being I have talked about all along in this article). Can you imagine these noble Monarchs, Heroes of note, Inventors, Scientists, Artists, multiple award winning Actors/Actresses, Orators, Professional Speakers, World Class Comperes, Musicians, Presidents, notable Political Leaders being discriminated against all because we are southpaws?!

One of such torturous discriminations that I will never forget, which almost sent my self esteem into extinction was many years ago as a young pupil in primary school. My father’s younger brother (my Uncle) often callously smacked the back of my left hand with the wooden part of a shoe brush whenever he finds me writing with my left hand, while taking my younger brother and I in evening lessons, all in an attempt to convert me to a right-handeder! I can’t tell you how painful (voice quivering as though crying) it was and how it often distorted my thoughts, concentration and ultimately understanding of what he was teaching us. But after all my tears...ha! ha!  I won the victory of remaining a southpaw!
Even as I have outgrown over the years the 'rot' of low self esteem I was plunged into by the punishments from my Uncle in the bid to convert me from being a southpaw, today I experience a mix bag of admiration and discrimination for being a southpaw. While many do compliment me (as being a unique person to them-being left-handed) if they see me fill and sign cheques or fill deposit slips in banking halls or do any form of writing in public places (wishing they or their children could be southpaws) others have not ceased to remain in their lost cultural barbarism by raising eyebrows.

One of such notable dramas of barbarism was played on me recently, when I was at a friend‘s who runs a neighbourhood super mart. I was graciously helping out to make some sale; attending to one of her customers. I was to pass to this customer, an elderly woman in her, perhaps 60s the product she requested for. I was about doing so with my favourite hand-my left hand when she went...

Act 1 Scene 1
Elderly Woman- (with a mimicked feminine voice-speaking in Yoruba language) "Oti o oti o...ejo ema fi owo osi mu kini funmi o! Won kii fi owo osi mu nkan funmi o. Oti e ti omo mi ti o owa ni le gan ti on lo owo osi mii ki je ko fi owo osi mu nkan fun mi! (At this point I was grossly amused) Ejo ejo eje kin mu fun rami!" (Woman shoves me aside, snaps nylon from me to serve herself.) Just amazed at her cultural backwardness.

Translation - Apparently what she said harshly in Yoruba was: “No no, please don’t pick something for me with your left hand, it is a taboo for anyone to give me something with the left hand. Not even my left-handed child at home do I allow to pass me something with the left hand. Let me take it myself." (Shoves me aside, snaps nylon from me to serve herself).

What my Uncle, this aggressive elderly woman, many parents who through their dispositions have taught their children so and many others around the world do not know, who still see we southpaws as rude, disrespectful, socially unrefined each time we use our left hands to pass something to people is that this discriminatory intolerance of theirs has negatively affected and do affect the self esteem of children and young people who are southpaws. For instance, I at a point in my life lost my self esteem due to this discrimination. In the case of serious unabated apprehension of these children by parents, guardians or care givers, some pathetically never recover from it in a life time. Take the case of King George VI of the British Royal family (who was the younger brother of Edward VIII). During his boyhood and adolescence, his father; George V required the prince to wear a long string tied to his left wrist; whenever he used his left hand, his father would tug the string violently, hoping to train him to become right-handed. As a result of this mistreatment, George VI developed a severe (mimicking stammering) stammer and stammered all his life due to this.



My Lessons...

1. A number of research abound proving the genius of the southpaw. One verified study shows that the links between left and right side of the brain run faster in southpaws than right-handed people. Therefore this rapid transport of data make lefties to be better at being multi-tasked than right-handed people.

2. You are unique being who you have been created to be; black, white, tall, short, slim, big, left-handed, right-handed etc. Never let anybody or anyone make their opinion your own reality of who you should be.

3. The best you can be not being who you are created to be is the second to your best. Being who you are not created to be is being inferior to the one you are created to be.

4. Not being who you are created to be is to rob you of the possibility of maximising your potential, finding your purpose and fulfilling your destiny.

5. One major source of happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment is being who you are created to be.

6. Fight for who you are! No matter the discrimination, torture or mockery you may face, never lose who you are created to be or you will lose ALL you are meant to be!

7a. Bear with those who can't understand why you chose to remain the 'strange' you that you have been created to be. When you become all you are created to be, they will turn around to celebrate you.
7b. Who you are created to be may not impress them, but when you become all you are created to be and that imparts them, they will change their minds.

8. Tests conducted by a renowned American scientist from St. Lawrence University New York; in it Dr. Alan Searleman found that there were more southpaws (left-handed people) with IQs over 140 than right-handed people. Presenting this evidence at American Psychological Association’s Conference in Washington D.C, Dr. Searleman said : “There is a strong link between left-handedness and intellectual creativity”.   Furthermore he said: “True Left-handers have a higher ‘fluid’ intelligence and better vocabulary than the general population. They tend to be more intelligent, eloquent and better at solving problems.”  The lives of famous left-handed thinkers in history from Albert Einstein to Isaac Newton and Benjamin Franklin affirmatively underline this point.

Mere mention of southpaws such as King George VI, Alexander the Great, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, Julius Caesar, Neil Armstrong, Michel Angelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, Robert De Niro, Ronald Regan, Charlie Chaplain, George H.W Bush, Marilyn Monroe, Paul McCartney, Whoopi Goldberg, Bill Clinton, Angelina Jolie, Barack Obama, Babatunde Raji Fashola, my humble self and many more southpaws like us all over the world, one appellation stands out... OUTSTANDING ACHIEVERS! Even though we make up just 5% to 30% of the world’s population, all of us have in invention, leadership, politics, industry, sports, arts, governance, entertainment, science, name it; we have helped and are still helping to make this world a better place. Wouldn’t it therefore be ironically erroneous for some of you to mistreat us due to what has enabled us to uniquely contribute our quota to building a better world?

On behalf of my fellow southpaws, some related to you and others all over world, I put behind us today the pains of the mistreatment meted to us over the years and I stretch forward to you a hand of fellowship to embrace us the way we are. For we did not create ourselves as southpaws. We are happy, satisfied and fulfilled the way we are. So when next you relate with a southpaw or he or she passes you something with the left hand, please debunk the myth that he or she is rude, displaying an improper conduct or is unrefined, rather accept the abundance of intelligence that flows through that hand, because for us, being "Southpaws is For Life!"

"Que Sera Sera" ("Whatever Will Be Will Be")

"Que Sera Sera"

My Life...

His birth can be likened to Doris Day's classic "Que Sera Sera" (which means "Whatever will be will be..."). According to the myth surrounding his birth which he researched, he gathered that after being married to his Dad, his mother had a four year conception delay before she could conceive and have him. Within this waiting period, his father married another wife. (It is an ancient tradition in the western part of Nigeria that when a man marries and the wife experiences a delay in child conception the man takes another wife with the belief that the conception of the second wife will 'open' the womb of the first wife.) It is not clear to him till date whether this was why his father took a second wife at the time or it was just some show of a typical African man's self aggrandisement. As it had been predestined by the Creator of heaven and earth and all that dwells within it, this boy's mother, who had had a four year delay conceived and gave birth to him before the second wife of his father could conceive and give birth to any child. Indeed "Que Sera Sera" (Whatever will be will be...!)        

Polygamous bickering.

Being the first of eight siblings from a relatively rich polygamous family, he enjoyed the privilege of the (long  awaited) first child and son of the house. Unknown to him (which he was even oblivious of as a baby at the time), this privilege was however to be short lived. The characteristic bickering typical of wives married to one man in a polygamous family soon held sway. The incessant bitter quarrels between these women on sometimes very trivial matters became unbearable for all. At the end of the day, the man of the house divorced his first wife at a time when her son was just two years old. This boy was however left to be raised by his stepmother. The reality that obtains in a typical polygamous home is that every mother looks out for her own children (in most cases) alone, there is a regular competition between wives to win the favour of their husband  (in the appropriation of family resources) and see to it that one wife's children excel better than that of the other wife or wives in ALL things. This unhealthy way of life leads to all manner of harms (emotional, spiritual, physical etc.) as each wife sees the other one or ones as arch-rival(s) and enemy or enemies. This pathetic enmity often cascade down to the children.

This obnoxious atmosphere was the one in which this poor heir apparent was left to grow after his mother left due to irreconcilable differences between his parents. He was at the mercy of his mother's arch-rival for his motherly upbringing after his father cunningly went to bring him back from His grandparents' where his mother took him briefly after the divorce. Ever since he was born as the first child of the family inspite of his mother's initial delay in conception, his stepmother saw him as a threat of some sort and one that by birth will always have a birthright first place before her own children. Naturally an unspoken enmity brewed. This woman did all she could in her power to always discredit this poor boy before his father as he grew up. To the general public who never knew that theirs was a polygamous home, (if asked about the boy; as it was obvious that she is not the mother from physical looks) she was always quick to tell them that: "the boy was not her husband's legitimate son as he was born out of wedlock and her husband never married her mother." In addition to this, this woman subjected this boy to all manner of chores ranging from laundry, scrubbing of the floor, doing the dishes, purchase of kerosene, sugar, grind pepper, at sometimes, very oddly late periods in the night, despite the fact that they had two paid domestic staff whose duties it was to do these chores. If he was sent on an errand and he came at a time adjudged to be too late, he was served the trouncing of his life by his stepmother.

Malicious treatment.

The malicious treatment this poor boy was subjected to by his stepmother made it clear to him that this woman couldn't be his mother. At the time he never even knew that he has a mother that once lived with them and was divorced by his father. His indifferent father never for once disclosed the truth about his babyhood to him and definitely not the high handed stepmother (who had made frantic efforts at deceiving the public about the identity of this boy) will disclose this to him. The growing ill treatment meted to him by his stepmother got him thinking that he must perhaps have a mother somewhere; whether alive or dead! His misery about his identity in this family was to be compounded when on one Christmas morning this boy who has artistic talent designed a card-like gift for his father and stepmother with their full names appended on these 'cards'. On presenting that of his stepmother to her at the door of her bedroom, on reading through, instead of commending the poor boy, she angrily queried why he being a little boy will write her full name as though they were age mates. The boy was confused as he was for once expecting this woman to commend him, but on the contrary she descended on him and rained knocks and spanks on him. This was too much for this boy to bear as he broke down in uncontrollable tears. As the knocks and spanks descended on him his stepmother aggravated them with verbal abuses. It was in the course of this verbal outburst that his stepmother said something that got him seriously dejected and determined to find out who he really was! His stepmother labeled him a bastard!

Left to loneliness.

From then on he lived like a loner in the midst of his siblings and this caused him to grow into a very  independent young boy who does not expect to be helped in any matter by anybody since nobody stood for him in his father's house. His father married yet again years after to a third wife. It was through this new wife that this boy ever experienced what is called a mother's tender loving care for the first time in his almost miserable childhood. He increasingly got endeared to his second stepmother who showed him unreserved love just as she showed to her own three children that she bore for his father. As expected, this new found love did not go down well with this boy's first stepmother. In a not too distant time this became the source of regular quarrels between these two wives. While the second stepmother always stood for this boy just as she did for her children before their husband, the first stepmother resisted it. It was through this second stepmother that this boy learnt about his mother, her identity and part of what led to the divorce between his parents, having been told by her husband (his father). These facts and more he later confirmed as he became an adolescent, from sources in his father's extended family loyal still to his divorced mother.

Grown man.

As this boy became an adult, by virtue of his childhood experience he struggled with low self-esteem, anger, bitterness and malice. The experience also toughened him to become a determined-to-succeed person, an independent person who is never waiting for perks or help from people. Some (friends, family, colleagues etc.) have seen this attitude of his of always being reluctant to ask for help (even when it is glaring he needs it) as arrogant or prideful, but he is just being a 'victim' of the by product of his childhood experience. This attitude has brought him a mix bag of positive and negative returns. Through conscious personal development, reformation and re-invention this young man today has overcome his low self-esteem, anger, bitterness and malice syndromes and is helping others (through his speaking work at workshops, seminars, trainings, through his writing work in articles, magazines, blogs like this, and in one-on-one contact sessions in counselings and mentorship) who are going through same to overcome same challenge, having discovered that no matter who hurt you in time past these emotional flaws if not overcome, can destroy one's destiny! That same one time ill treated boy now a full grown man is ME! Oladele Olunike.

My Lessons...

1. ALL experiences (good, bad, ugly) work together for your good (to your advantage) as long as you respond with the right attitude. I did not know this though many years ago as that little boy in my father's house of 'horror'. Please do not mind me; 'house of horror' was what my little brain at the time reasoned it to be, with the weight of what I was going through as only a little boy.

2. The one who maltreats you is only toughening and empowering you to be able to face and subdue tougher situations in future. Ironically, the mistreatments I suffered years ago has only helped me today to be able to face any difficult or antagonistic situation, with a no-retreat-no-surrender attitude. Thanks to my first stepmother! Heh...heh...heh...(Chuckled).

3. Since no one ever stood for me at the onset in my childhood, I developed the independent spirit that tells me always: "Oladele, if you don't do it, nobody will help you." Except God of course! I have been criticised by friends, family, colleagues etc. for my independence (not asking for or wanting people to help me in anything even when I need help). This, from my experience has its positives and negatives. I have benefited immensely from the positives. It has freed me from the disappointments and heartbreaks that many suffer when they expect help from people who have promised same and fail to live up. However, because no one knows it all, now I am learning to receive help as often as I need same, particularly from people who truly like to be of help (my friends, family, colleagues etc. who have caringly criticised my not asking for help). Thank you guys!

4. Every experience is a veritable source of helpful lesson for personal growth into maturity and the future. Without any iota of flattery, the tough childhood I had set the pace for a firm foundation for my personal growth in life. By virtue of hind sight today, I have NO regret that I went through that path, because in many inexplicable ways I perhaps wouldn't have been able to dare the things I have dared today in business, career and personal life without traveling through such a tough childhood.

Whatever you are experiencing today, should be a source of lesson for the near or distant future. Never let it weigh you down because "Que Sera Sera!"  Wish you an edutaining time!

My Life, My Lessons...

                                         Life Lesson.
"It has been said that life is the most patient teacher.
You will be presented with the same experience over and over until you learn the best way to deal with the situation. 
This is not because life is cruel. 
Rather, it is because things have a way of coming back to haunt us when we don't deal with them. 
One form of intelligence is the ability to learn from mistakes. 
When you are presented with a painful experience, take the time to think about how you can avoid it in the future. 
This is an example of a lesson learned."
                                  -By Family Friend Poems

This poem encapsulates my disposition to every of my life's experiences. Good, bad, ugly...regardless of the sometimes irreparable damages, irrecoverable losses and irrevocable times, with the right attitude, a seeming setback can actually become a setup for a greater come back! 

For me, my philosophy is succinctly captured in that ancient wisdom that says : ..."ALL things (good, bad, ugly) work together for good"...(Emphasis mine). With this mind set, I have by the continued enablement of my Creator weathered most of the ill intentioned storms that have traversed my path in destiny hitherto.

Tell you what, this is not to say the storms are conclusively over, as the song composer, producer and multiple award wining musician R. Kelly once sang: "The storm is over."  One of the fundamental experiential lessons I have come away with in life is that the storms of life are in seasons of different intensities. They never go away. The more you overcome the more you face. 

Remember this is not to mean that life is cruel. For what you don't confront you don't conquer. My experience is; for each one I overcome and learn my lessons so that when such a situation rears its ugly head again (as it sometimes does) I outgrow such without sweat. It is only at this time that one moves to a new level in a new season to face a new and sometimes greater storm. 
Heh...eh...eh.... It does appear therefore that for every new level there is a new 'devil', isn't it? Hmn...hmn... The greater the storm you are willing to face therefore, the greater the calm you are willing to experience. For that consoling assurance stands that at the end of every storm there will always be a soothing calm.

In my short life, I have failed at a number of things, I have succeeded and still succeeding at a number of others, but above all I have learnt a number of lessons from all these experiences. One of them is that a life that will be significant and great is an eclectic mix of falling, rising, falling, rising and never stop rising each time you fall till you get to your envisioned Eldorado. 
Tenacity must be our companion.

I think the late and former United Kingdom legendary Prime Minister and Statesman- Sir Winston Churchill, couldn't have put it better when he said: "Success is moving from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." If our lives must matter at the end of this maze-like journey, if in the words of bestselling author and speaker Steve Ferrer, we must "Finish Strong", then we must make our lives' experiences a repertoire from which we draw helpful lessons.

I am so excited that our shared moments here will be that of stimulating learnings, re-learnings and un-learnings from our beautiful lives.

My gratitude for your taking time to share moment with me at "My Life, My Lessons..."